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You may wish to consult Carmelita (disambiguation) for other, similarly-named pages.
Don't even THINK of eating around here, you cakesniffers! Nobody wants to have lunch with people who live in the Orphans Shack! Cake sniffing orphans in the orphan shack! Cake sniffing orphans in the orphan shack! Cake sniffing orphans in the orphan shack!
 
— Carmelita insulting the Baudelaire orphans

Carmelita Spats is an extremely unpleasant girl whom Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire first encountered in The Austere Academy at Prufrock Preparatory School.

Biography

Before The Austere Academy

Much of Carmelita's background is a mystery, including her reason for attending a miserable boarding school.

In The Slippery Slope, Esmé lists the fortunes the villains will steal from the captured Snow Scouts. One of these is "the Spats fortune." This implies Carmelita's parents are rich - one could could suspect they may be connected to V.F.D.

In the TV series, Nero mentions Carmelita has two living parents. Also in the TV series, she seems to have some nasty history with Larry the Waiter. However, this may be untrue because Larry didn't know what she was talking about. When Carmelita asked Count Olaf what her lines were, it became clear that she was just saying it for Count Olaf's scheme.

The Austere Academy

The Baudelaire orphans first encounter Carmelita in The Austere Academy. She rudely refers to them as "cakesniffers", tells them to get lost, and makes their lives difficult at the school. Isadora and Duncan Quagmire aren't fond of Carmelita either. Carmelita ridicules the Baudelaires for being orphans and having no parents, as if them losing their parents is somehow something "funny" instead of serious. She creates a jeer and bullies them constantly, enticing other students to join in the bullying.

Carmelita was in the same class as Violet (Mr. Remora). Every few minutes Carmelita would lean forward and poke Violet with a stick, whisper "orphan", and Violet would lose her concentration and forget to write down some detail of Mr. Remora's latest story.

Carmelita is one of Vice Principal Nero's favorite students, and he plays favorites with her, enabling her to get away with so much bratty behavior. She is also given a job by Coach Genghis (Count Olaf in disguise) to tell the Baudelaires when they are required to attend S.O.R.E. sessions (after which she would snobbishly demand a tip).

When the Baudelaires are expelled from school, they are relieved they will never have to deal with Carmelita again... or so they think.

The Slippery Slope

They meet her again in The Slippery Slope, while she is traveling with a group of Snow Scouts to celebrate False Spring in the Mortmain Mountains. The two elder Baudelaires had enough troubles in the Mortmain Mountains without running into this unpleasant person, and at the sound of her voice they almost turned around and took their chances once more with the snow gnats swarming outside.

Near the end of the novel, the Baudelaires unmask and reveal their identities to her. After Violet and Klaus rescue Sunny, Carmelita quickly joins Count Olaf's and Esmé Squalor's troupe, after Esmé claims she will buy Carmelita all sorts of "in" outfits. Carmelita threatens to kill the Baudelaires and Quigley Quagmire by pushing them off the mountain, saying she is ready to start an exciting and fashionable new life. The Baudelaires and Quigley escape on a toboggan.

The Grim Grotto

CarmelitaGGRussian

Carmelita in the Russian version.

In The Grim Grotto, she is a "tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian", as described by herself in a song:

C is for 'cute'
A is for 'adorable'!
R is for 'ravishing'!
M is for 'gorgeous'!
E is for 'excellent'!
L is for 'lovable'!
I is for 'I'm the best'!
T is for 'talented'!
A is for 'a tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian'!

The song was so irritating, and sung so poorly, that Violet and Klaus almost felt as if they were being tortured after all, particularly as Carmelita kept on singing it, over and over and over. Klaus comments that someone should tell Carmelita that the word 'gorgeous' does not start with 'm'.

Olaf is persuaded to name his submarine the Carmelita after she says the Olaf is a "cakesniffing" name.

The Penultimate Peril

CarmelitaPPRussian

Carmelita in the Russian version.

At the Hotel Denouement in The Penultimate Peril, she says she's a "ball-playing cowboy superhero soldier pirate" and dresses as one. Carmelita's spoiled attitude appears to have to have been exacerbated under the care of Esmé Squalor.

Violet encounters her on the roof of the hotel. As part of her concierge disguise, Violet gives Carmelita a harpoon gun to shoot down a crow to obtain The Sugar Bowl.

Olaf becomes increasingly tired of her attitude and violently knocks her to the floor while taking her harpoon gun, ending their already tenuous relationship.

Carmelita submits a book about how wonderful she believes herself to be as evidence in a trial against Count Olaf and the Baudelaires.

It is unknown whether she survived the fire at the Hotel Denouement. However, in Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography (which takes place after A Series of Unfortunate Events) Vice Principal Nero sends a letter to Carmelita's parents, in which Carmelita seems to be alive.

Personality

I'm the cutest, prettiest, nicest girl in the whole school.
 
— Carmelita, regarding herself
IHATEYOURFACE

"I HATE YOUR FACE!"

In The Austere Academy, Lemony Snicket describes her as a rude, violent and filthy little girl. He mentions that if you were going to give a gold medal to the least delightful person on Earth, you would have to give that medal to a person named Carmelita Spats, and if you didn't give it to her, Carmelita Spats was the sort of person who would snatch it from your hands anyway. This implies that Lemony Snicket despises Carmelita more than he does Count Olaf. He says it is a shame he must describe her to the reader because there are enough ghastly and distressing things in the story without even mentioning such an unpleasant person. Snicket warns that one should stay as far from Carmelita as possible, and Duncan Quagmire tells the Baudelaires that the less time a person spends with her the happier he or she will be. Isadora once wrote this poem: "I would rather eat a bowl of vampire bats than spend an hour with Carmelita Spats."

Carmelita is a mean, arrogant, snobby and selfish girl who cares for nobody but herself, demanding respect and reverence for herself, and insults the Baudelaires by calling them "cakesniffers". Carmelita acts as if she is the center of the universe and the entire world revolves around her. Her spoiled personality makes her show no respect to her elders and the world around her. To the Baudelaires and Quagmires, Carmelita was an insufferable and cruel bully.

Esmé seems unaware of these traits or even is implied to adore them, spoiling and fussing over Carmelita, of which Olaf highly disapproves. Olaf seems rather annoyed by her, as he is used to having things his own way, and it comes as a blow when Esmé seems more interested in Carmelita's needs. When Esmé was convincing Carmelita to join them, she tells her, "You'll be the daughter we never had". Even though Olaf is less fond of Carmelita, and this dislike grows through the series, both he and Esmé seem to bend to Carmelita's every whim. He is persuaded to name his submarine the Carmelita after she says the Olaf is a "cakesniffing" name. He also renamed his boat from the Count Olaf to the Carmelita.

She wrote an autobiography titled Me: The Completely Authorized Autobiography of the Prettiest, Smartest, Most Darling Girl in the Whole Wide World which was published by Spoiled Brat Press. An excerpt from page 793 is included Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography which details her misguided encounter with a V.F.D. librarian.

CarmelitaKickingLarry

Carmelita kicking Larry and walking away in front of a disgusted Olivia.

In the TV series, she may have a height complex or at the least, hate being called a little girl, as she kicks Larry the Waiter after he calls her that, and she says 4'7" is not that little to Count Olaf. She also sings tap-dancing musical numbers to the Baudelaires constantly (she also has a signature line that is included in all her songs- And my name is CARMELITA!):

  • "The sun is setting hooray, hooray! Coach Genghis sent me here to say, the Baudelaire orphans go to the field. And my name is CARMELITA!"
  • "Vice Principal Nero wants to see you right away, because he's very mad at you today. I'm the prettiest girl in town, and my name is CARMELITA!"
  • "Cakesniffers are all jealous of me, because I'm C-U-T-T-E. Singing and dancing and it's my thing, and my name is CARMELITA!"
  • "The sun has come up, the day has begun! Watching you flunk will be so much fun, because you're just orphans- and you're probably dumb! And my name is CARMELITA!"

Behind the scenes

She is portrayed by Kitana Turnbull in the Netflix adaptation.

Quotes

TV series

  • Violet: "Hello, um..."
    Carmelita: "UM... UM... Are you a blithering idiot? Everyone knows I'm Carmelita Spats."
  • "I don't have to wear a uniform because I'm too adorable!"
  • "AHEM... 'Thank you' is not enough. It is traditional to give a special tour guide a tip at the end of the tour... YES, A TIP! Are you DEAF AND BLIND, cakesniffer?!"
  • "Who said you could speak to me?" (kicking Larry)
  • "I HATE YOUR FACE!" (kicking a boy to the floor)
  • "Hey cakesniffer! You're as ugly as something I found in my teeth recently!"
  • "You call those jumping jacks?! I've seen better jumping jacks from OLD PEOPLE!"
  • "Little girl? I'm 4'7"." (to Count Olaf)
  • "All I have to do is scream and he'll fire you on the spot." (threatening Larry)
  • Carmelita: "Out of my way, cakesniffers, I deserve a heaping portion because I'm heapingly adorable."
    Violet: "You can wait in line like everyone else, Carmelita."
    Carmelita: "I don't have to. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. Vice Principal Nero likes me best and there's a special beef and bean burrito with a little ribbon on it just for me."
  • "EXPLAIN HOW ADORABLE I AM!"
  • "Baudelaires, there's some open seats at my table, but I'm afraid it's a cakesniffer-free zone."
  • "I smell people who lost their parents in FIRES. Heehee." (to the Baudelaires and Quagmires)
  • "ONLY CAKESNIFFERS CARE ABOUT POETIC FORM!"

Trivia

Cakesniffing

Carmelita cakesniffing.

Appearances

Gallery

Books

TV series