Josephine Anwhistle

“	Not too quickly! You could trip over the welcome mat and decapitate yourselves.	”
	— Aunt Josephine to Violet and Klaus

Josephine Anwhistle was Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire's second cousin's sister-in-law - namely the sister of the spouse of the Baudelaires' second cousin - and becomes their guardian in The Wide Window. She was the wife of Isaac "Ike" Anwhistle and sister-in-law of Gregor Anwhistle.^[1]

Biography

Josephine grew up along the shores of Lake Lachrymose. At some point she met Ike Anwhistle, fell deeply in love, and was married to him. They enjoyed a loving marriage until Ike was eaten by the Lachrymose Leeches when he failed to wait an hour after eating before going for a swim, instead waiting only forty five minutes. Ever since his death, Josephine has been terrified of Lake Lachrymose. It felt like she had lost a friend when the lake took away her husband. No longer did she swim in it every day, no longer did she visit its beaches and caves and islands which she once knew so well.

Later, she became the guardian of the Baudelaire orphans. They refer to her as Aunt Josephine simply because Josephine herself had told them to, as it's much easier than saying second cousin's sister-in-law. After the children's Uncle Monty died, Aunt Josephine decided to take care of them because she didn't want them to be as lonely as she was when she lost Ike. She prepared a bedroom for them that was neat and clean, and even gave them gifts, though the Baudelaires did not enjoy them. Violet received a doll named Pretty Penny, Klaus received an electric train and Sunny got a rattle that was, to her dismay, not worth biting.

As she gives her new charges a tour of her home, she explains why each and every thing is terribly dangerous. Klaus asks why the cans are there and Josephine replies, that they are, naturally, for burglars. She explains that doorknobs can shatter into a million pieces and hit one's eye, doormats can cause one to trip and break one's neck, the stove can burst into flames, and the telephone can electrocute someone. Her fears range from burglary to realtors. Understandably, the Baudelaire orphans are surprised to find out that a woman so afraid of everything in sight can bear to live in a house that is literally clinging to the side of a cliff, hanging over Lake Lachrymose, even including a large window that looks out onto the lake where her beloved husband died.

When Hurricane Herman is on the way, she takes the children out for supplies and meets Captain Sham, who is really Count Olaf in disguise. He charms and flatters her so she won't listen to the Baudelaires warnings and later, Aunt Josephine receives a telephone call, but as she is afraid of the phone, Violet offers to answer it. Realizing the caller is none other than Captain Sham, Violet quickly pretends that it's a wrong number from the Hopalong Dancing School. When Captain Sham calls again, Violet offers to answer the phone again, but her aunt is impressed by Violet's bravery and picks it up instead. Delighted to speak with someone she believes to be so charming, she tells the children to go upstairs so they can't eavesdrop on the surprise he has planned for them. Though they attempt to refuse, their guardian insists and they uneasily head to their bedroom. They immediately know it was a bad decision when they hear breaking glass and rush downstairs. The children find a note pinned to the door of Josephine's grammatical library, explaining how she finds life hopeless and leaves them to the care of Captain Sham. The Baudelaires enter the library to find that their aunt has thrown herself out the wide window overlooking the lake.

The letter read as such:

Violet, Klaus, and Sunny-

By the time you read this note, my life will be at it's end. My heart is as cold as Ike, and I find life inbearable. I know your children may not understand the sad life of a dowadger, or what would have leaded me to this desperate akt, but please know that I am much happier this way. As my last will and testament, I leave you in the care of Captain Sham, a kind and honorable men. Please think of me kindly even though I'd done this terrible thing.

-Your Aunt Josephine

Violet calls Mr. Poe to tell him of the tragic event and waits with her siblings for him to arrive. They consider writing a forgery of the note to avoid being placed into Captain Sham's care and realize that that must be exactly what Sham did: throw their Aunt out the window and forged her note. When Mr. Poe arrives, he studies the note and decides it is not a forgery. He contacts Captain Sham to explain what happened and sets up a meeting at the Anxious Clown restaraunt to discuss the children's future. The orphans are allowed to return to Aunt Josephine's house and Klaus studies their aunt's note, which is filled with grammatical errors. Those errors spell out "Curdled Cave", meaning that Aunt Josephine faked her death and is hiding inside Curdled Cave. Hurricane Herman picks up force and manages to shake the house so badly it breaks off the cliff and falls into the lake.

The Baudelaires then steal a sailboat and head for Curdled Cave. When they reach it, they learn that Aunt Josephine was planning on living with them in the cave, but the children persuade her to come back to the mainland and explain to Mr. Poe who Captain Sham really is. Unfortunately, not thinking of making another journey across the lake, Aunt Josephine had eaten a banana less than an hour before, and the smell attracts the Lachrymose Leeches. The leeches violently attack their little boat and Violet hurriedly invents a signal in the hope of attracting attention to their situation. Just as the sailboat is quickly sinking, they are rescued by another boat.

Unfortunately, Captain Sham is the one who came to the rescue. He's displeased with Aunt Josephine for being alive when she should be at the bottom of the lake. Aunt Josephine begs and pleads with him to spare her, saying he can have the children and she'll move away, dye her hair, change her name, nobody will ever hear from her again. It is thought that Captain Sham may have let her live if she had not corrected his grammar at the wrong time, and irritated him - but since she did, he pushes her over the side and into the waiting mouths of the leeches. Later, two fishermen find two life jackets in tatters.

It is never truly confirmed whether Josephine lost her life to the leeches. The life jackets are assumed to belong to her, but her remains are never found, meaning that she could have survived the attack and cast off her life jackets, possibly in an attempt to cause the assumption that she had perished; however, the truth is unknown, and it is more likely that she did indeed suffer her death at the hands of the leeches.

Personality

“	Grammar is the greatest joy in life, don't you find?	”
	— Aunt Josephine

Josephine was very fond of grammar, often correcting people when they made grammatical mistakes. Her personal library contained only a wide variety of grammar books. It is possible her great love of grammar spawned because it was the one thing she could not possibly be afraid of. Unfortunately, she valued how people say things more than what they say, such as when Klaus told her about his fear of Olaf's ankle tattoo or when Violet asked for an explanation on why Josephine abandoned them, and even when Violet tried to save "each of their lives".

Aunt Josephine was awkward in the presence of others. She often corrected others' grammar immediately after they spoke incorrectly, whether or not this was appropriate to the situation. This caused her once to overlook Klaus' fear of Olaf's tattoo when he confided it in her, and of course led to her demise at the hands of Count Olaf. She also corrected Sunny's infantile sounds, forgetting that as a baby, Sunny was incapable of proper speech or grammar. It is possible that her excessive phobias caused her to become reclusive and her social skills to atrophy.

Despite this, Josephine was kindhearted. She provided a home to three orphans because she didn't want them to feel alone. She gave them gifts in attempt for them to feel welcome, and when Violet and Klaus offered to cook pasta she told them that it is the guardian's responsibility to prepare meals so they wouldn't have to face the dangers of the stove. She tried to warn them of the dangers in everyday objects to keep them all safe and tried to share the joys of grammar with them. It also seems that the orphans were a good influence on her. After seeing Violet answer the phone (which Josephine feared to do) she answered it herself the next time it rang.

Josephine Anwhistle was afraid of nearly everything from the Lachrymose Leeches to having hair in her face. She was so scared of everything she made it difficult to really enjoy anything at all, regardless of whether her fears seemed rational or not. And the worst of it was, her terror caused her to be a bad guardian. She often made cold dishes for the children and never tried to make anything warm or nourishing, and ran away at the first sign of danger and had to be dragged out of Curdled Cave when she was needed by the children. She even offered the orphans to Captain Sham in exchange for her own safety. These acts also show that she could be moved to desperate action when frightened enough.

It is implied in The Wide Window (and more specifically inThe Wide Window: Part One) that Josephine was braver in her youth than in her latter life. She mentioned that she used to explore Lake Lachrymose and knew it well. She also swam in it every day, despite the risks posed by the leaches. She mentions that she and Ike were "afraid" to have children, but their reason for this fear is never given.

She likes to close her eyes when she's afraid in order to "block out the fear". Under her bed are all sorts of objects she wants to "block out", such as pots and pans (reminders of the stove), horribly ugly socks no human eyes should ever see, a framed photograph of her husband (too much heartache), and a stack of books on Lake Lachrymose.

Josephine is afraid of, among other things:

Lake Lachrymose and the Lachrymose Leeches
Radiators (may explode)
Doormats (could cause someone to trip and break their neck)
Sofas (could fall over at any time and crush them flat)
Refrigerators (could also fall over at any time and crush you flat)
Telephones (risk of electrocution)
Doorknobs (may shatter into a million pieces and one may hit her eye)
Burglars (she places tin cans in the corner of every room so she'll hear when a burglar comes in and trips on them)
Stoves (they may burst into flames)
Having children
Realtors
Automobiles (the doors may get stuck and she might be trapped inside)
Captain Sham/Count Olaf
Being thrown overboard
Drowning
Having hair in her face
Avocados (the pit (seed) could be come lodged in one's throat)
The Black Plague

As her long list of fears shows, Josephine could be irrational in her fears (something which Lemony Snicket himself mentions in his narration). While some of her fears had some justification -i.e. fearing Lake Lachrymose because of Ike's death, fearing the stove catching fire- her fear of realtors is never explained. Why she chose to live on a house literally hanging over the edge of the lake is unknown, but as it was the house she lived in with her husband, she may not have been able to let go, or because of her aforementioned fear of realtors. She demonstrated her tendency to irrational behavior again when she fled her house after faking her death and leaving a cryptic note for the children to follow and find her in Curdled Cave, when it would have made more sense to take the children with her into hiding, or inform them of what had happened, or at least leave them a sensible note. She also showed lack of forethought when she told the children that she intended to live in the cave indefinitely despite lacking in provisions or supplies. It should also be mentioned that in spite of her fear of the Lachrymose Leeches she forgot to warn the children that she had eaten a banana while waiting for them in the cave, and thus risked all of their lives as they tried to escape.

In the movie and TV series adaptations, Josephine is shown to have been more courageous before Ike's death - amongst other things, she is noted in the movie to have tamed lions. "I was quite adventurous... when Ike was alive" she explains. She was also a member of V.F.D. and is stated to have been close to Beatrice and Bertrand Baudelaire.