|Kellar as shown in Shouldn't You Be in School?|
Typist at the Stain'd-by-the-Sea Department of Education
Kellar Haines is first introduced in Shouldn't You Be in School? as a typist in the Stain'd-by-the-Sea Department of Education. He works reluctantly with his mother, Sharon Haines in inducting young children for Hangfire's schemes, but at the same time, he passively tries to warn Lemony Snicket about the false leads that his mother had given to him and his chaperone.
At some point, Kellar and his mother received word from Hangfire, who instructed them to obey his instructions in return for his elder sister, Lizzie Haines, after her letters stopped coming for months.
Shouldn't You Be in School?
Upon the arrival of S. Theodora Markson and Lemony to the building of the Department of Education, Kellar motions for them to wait while typing. Lemony speaks to him, and he tries to sound occupied and busy as his mother, Sharon, spoke about Birnbaum's Sheep Barn being burned down in the middle of the night. At Lemony's words regarding his location when he's not at the library or the Lost Arms, Kellar passively gives a hint to Lemony that the latter should look up Harold Limetta.
At Hungry's, Kellar drops more hints, notably about a lime from an Italian tree and how his mother speaks Italian. Dismayed at Lemony's inability to catch on, he left the restaurant.
Lemony then discovers Kellar's typed sheets in the empty building of the Department of Education, which were comprised with sentences with only 'Look busy' as the words in various punctuation styles. Upon realizing that there is no Harold Limetta and no Department of Education, as Stain'd-by-the-Sea only has one school, Lemony and his associates were confronted by Sharon and Hangfire, who opened the closet door to reveal a very frightened Kellar. They dragged him, Moxie Mallahan, Cleo Knight and Jake Hix into the 'Department of Truancy' van to be taken to the Wade Academy.
Kellar, Jake, Cleo, Moxie and Ornette Lost try to keep awake in the Wade Academy library, having used a pass-question to determine who to let in and who to keep out. Turning on the lights upon Ellington Feint's response, Kellar comments that the food left out for them was spiked with laudanum, and that his mother was never a good cook. He then tells everyone about his sister, Lizzie, and his and his mother's reason for serving Hangfire.
Planning to go on the field trip, Kellar expresses his true intentions to help Lemony and gives him a compass. During the field trip, Kellar stands up to his mother and gets back on the bus in order to keep an eye on her. After the destruction of the Stain'd-by-the-Sea library, Kellar joins the rest in Handkerchief Heights, then participates in a game of Beethoven.
Lemony described Kellar as a boy about his age with his hair tirmmed into a sort of tilted spike, like the fuse on a stick of dynamite. In an illustration, he is shown wearing a bowtie and a coat.