- "It's time we mounted a vigorous fire defence."
- —Mr. Quagmire
He perished in the fire that destroyed the Quagmire Mansion. He owned many sapphires before his death, which made him quite rich. These sapphires would be inherited by his children. Not much else is known about him.
He is portrayed by Will Arnett in the TV series. He is presented in such a way as to fool the audience into thinking he is Bertrand Baudelaire. He later dies during a mysterious house fire started by a mysterious woman, speculated to be Esmé Squalor.