- "I am so tired of having to explain everything to you. You're supposed to be so very smart, and yet you always seem to forget about this! This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you, almost as eager as I am. If you don't do what I say, you will suffer bodily harm. Is that clear enough for you? Now, get in the damn jeep."
- —Stephano to the Baudelaires
Stephano was one of Count Olaf's disguises, which he used in an attempt to steal the Baudelaire orphans from the care of Dr Montgomery Montgomery. According to this guise, "Stephano" was a member of the SSSSSS, the Scientific Society Seeking to Soothe Stress and Suffering, and was to become Dr Montgomery's herpetological assistant after the loss of his previous assistant, Gustav. He claims to be an Italian man.