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The Little Snicket Lad is a ballad whose sheet music is featured in Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography. It is featured in a letter to Dr. Charley Patton, who is only mentioned this one time in the series. The Little Snicket Lad may be the song the Baudelaire parents used to sing to their children, since the last line is "the world is quiet here," as mentioned in The Slippery Slope.


Lyrics

Verse One:

On a charming little cattle farm
Near a pretty deadly lake,
Was a very pregnant woman,
And her husband, known as Jake.
Though they lived in a big mansion,
Down Robber Road a tad,
It was at the farm the lady
Bore the little Snicket lad.

Chorus:

And then they took him, yea they took him,
They took him far away,
They took him in the dead of night
Beneath a moon of gray.
They took him from the kitchen
Like you'd take a midnight snack,
The V.F.D. they took him,
And they never brought him back.

Verse Two:

He was lively, and intelligent,
And drank a lot of milk,
His crib was made of silver,
And his diapers sewn from silk.
Both his siblings watched him
And his mother, and his dad,
But someone else was watching
O'er the little Snicket lad.

Chorus:

And then they took him, yea they took him,
They took him far away,
They took him in the dead of night
Beneath a moon of gray.
They took him from the kitchen
Like you'd take a midnight snack,
The V.F.D. they took him,
And they never brought him back.


Verse Three:

One evening Jake was chooping wood,
And his wife was at the mill,
The siblings two were drinking tea,
And the house was very still.
They came in through the windows,
Not the door, which was the fad,
A long black car was parked outside
For the little Snicket lad.

Chorus:

And then they took him, yea they took him,
They took him far away,
They took him in the dead of night
Beneath a moon of gray.
They took him from the kitchen
Like you'd take a midnight snack,
The V.F.D. they took him,
And they never brought him back.

Coda:

"When we grab you by the ankles,
Where our mark is to be made,
You'll soon be doing noble work,
Although you won't be paid.
When we drive away in secret,
You'll be a volunteer,
So don't scream when we take you:
The world is quiet here."

Alternate version

The Second Half of the Chorus, as sung in the North, is as follows:

They took him from the kitchen,
And dropped him on the way,
He fell upon the darkened ground,
And tried to crawl away.

Postscripts

Postscript

The postscript of the letter reads:

"P.S. the musical score that you enclosed is completely incorrect--the tune appears to be a well-known hymn of naval disaster. If possible, I will record the correct music and send you a copy on cassette."

When played on a piano or similar instrument, the tune is "Row, Row, Row Your Boat." This may be a reference to the fact that "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" is Violet's least favorite song.
Due to its being composed in the common meter, it can also be sung to a number of other tunes, including Amazing Grace, the Pokemon theme tune, the Yellow Rose of Texas, and most appropriately, another "well-known hymn of naval disaster", the Gilligan's Island theme.

Postpostscript

The postpostscript reads:

"P.P.S. I don't think I can be of any help as to the other ballad you mentioned.... I don't remember anybody named "Old MacDonald" at the Valorous Farms Dairy, and I don't think 'E.I.E.I.O.' refers to a secret organization of any kind."

This is an obvious yet humorous reference to "Old MacDonald Had a Farm".

Appearances

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